Saturday, February 8, 2014

Day 187 of 365: My Pet Idiot

Most people cannot stop gushing over how smart their pets are. Their cat can do this. Their dog can do that. Their cat can problem solve. Their dog is so clever. Their goldfish has an above-average attention span.

My cat is such an idiot.

Before I go any further, I should state that I absolutely adore Milo. He is an incredibly sweet, loyal cat. I love him with all of my heart and soul. But Mensa material he is not.

There are some things he does that is so mind-bogglingly cute that it turns me into a crazy cat lady. Like when he carts around his mini stuffed teddy from room to room (and when he gargle-meows with the teddy in his mouth to let you know that he has arrived in a room and plans on staying there for a while). So cute, my heart turns to glitter and my head explodes.

And then there are some things that are so blastedly moronic that I genuinely wonder if I get a factory defect.

Take for instance: his inability to be a cat. He cannot jump onto kitchen counters -- but he wants to. So he'll just sit at the base of the counter, look up, and meow pitifully. If you ignore him, he might pace back and forth and quasi-attempt a jump, but he'll inevitably admit defeat and walk away.

Some days, I take pity on the moron and help him onto the counter. He then prances around like the pretend-cat he thinks he is, enjoys the fruits of his pretend labor. Like yesterday. Only yesterday, he decided he needed to hop into the sink. A sink that was still lined with water from when I did the dishes.

A normal cat with hop into the sink, realize it's still wet, and hop out. Or they won't care and stay in. Milo hated the water, but didn't really know how to solve the problem. So he did was he always does when something he happening that is above his pay grade: he meowed pitifully. Better: he sat down in the water and cried pitifully.

Thankfully, I didn't have to get him out. He eventually figured that the sink is only about a foot or so deep and hopped out. He celebrated this sudden victory over the kitchen sink by trotting over to the toaster and liking the front section for a solid 5 minutes.

He might be a dumb, fat chihuahua with identity issues, but, man I love the little bugger. Besides, his adopted brother is smart enough for both of them.

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