"Well, what's wrong with being sexy?" "What's wrong with finding someone sexy?"
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Granted, I'm going to be absurdly biased. I recognize that I was born with the gift of possessing some of the very specific traits that society has deemed attractive. I make part of my living by portraying myself in an attractive manner so you buy that kayak or that new pair of jeans. And I have no issues portraying myself in that light. I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I didn't enjoy the fact that at least some people find me sexy.
I've heard people say that you can't do sexy photo shoots -- that you can't wear a revealing top or dress in high heels -- and still be against the objectification of women. I say you can. I say that objectification of anyone is intolerable, but that doesn't mean you can't find them sexy.
When you find someone sexy, you are attracted to the physical characteristics. They've got a phenomenal body, or a gorgeous face, or they just carry themselves in a way that oozes sex appeal and charisma.
When you see someone as a sex object, you are also attracted to the physical characteristics. Great butt, knockout features, etc, etc, etc.
When you find someone sexy, you would like to have sex with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, get over your Puritanical roots. It's why the term "sexy" even exists in the first place. They are attractive, you are attracted, and your lizard brain goes, "Hey, we should do that thing that we are biologically programmed to do with this person."
When you see someone as a sex object, you still would like to have sex with them. We are sexual creatures, end of story. No problem with these overlaps so far.
But when you find someone sexy, there is room for the personality. It doesn't necessarily have to make the attraction stronger or weaker, but it's there. Maybe it takes the form of, "Wow, big breasts and she quotes Shakespeare?" or "I'm just going to pretend he didn't just say that and look at his face some more."
When you see someone as a sex object, that room is gone. You aren't listening when they speak, because, hello, sex object -- you're just here for me to oogle over. Can someone shut this broad up?
When you find someone sexy, there is no cognitive dissonance when they branch out. The hot movie star also does dirt biking? Cool. The absurdly good-looking athlete can crack a joke or two, too? Sweet. Get down with your well-rounded self.
When you see someone as a sex object, there is nothing but cognitive dissonance when they branch out. Who let that Adonis speak? Who said the ring girl could have an opinion? Bet she wouldn't be reciting poetry if my dick was in her mouth.
When you find someone sexy, there is still a part of you that recognizes that you're dealing with an actual person. An actual person doesn't want to get a random message about how you want to bury your face into their bosom. An actual person would never want a tweet that proclaims how much you want that person to "murder your vagina" (sorry, had to go there). You might want said face-burying/murdering, but you also recognize that there needs to be a level of respect when dealing with another human being.
When you see someone as a sex object, that is gone. Who cares if they hear you scream, "Take off your top!" Their well-being is not your chair, not your problem. You just want to see some ass.
Why is this distinction so important? Because human beings are flawed fucking creatures. Remove the ability to see someone as an actual person and watch the proverbial fur fly. All you need to do is look into Marina Abramovic's Rhythm 0 or the Stanley-Milgram Experiment to see just how easy it is for the average person to do great harm when our brain is not 100% convinced we are dealing with a living, breathing, feeling human. Just look at how people act in text messages versus face to face conversations. I know I'm invoking Godwin's Law, but, oh well: just look at how the Nazis portrayed their Jewish citizens as animals, as less than human, making it far too easy to let the later atrocities take place.
Remove the human element and we are capable of horrific things. See someone as less than human and suddenly it's easier to hurt, to rape, to murder. Suddenly it's easier to infringe on rights.
And that is not to say that every person who sees someone as a sex object is going to be a frothing-at-the-mouth perpetrator. But it is saying that this particular element is there, and we do a world of damage to pretend it isn't.
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