Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Day 260 of 365: Too Sexy to Love

A friend of mine was recently told, "You're too sexy to love." Which, first off, I couldn't help but chuckle at; I was instantly reminded of that time when I was 16, reeling from my first actual heartbreak, and trying to make sense of things in front of a bunch of well-meaning but completely clueless friends. The guys in the group told me on multiple occasions that I was "cute" but not "sexy" -- and that's why the guy in question dropped his interest in me out of no where to get with other girls. So I couldn't help but laugh: here is my friend, being told she's too sexy to love, when, ten years ago, I was told I wasn't sexy enough to love.

But, in all seriousness, it got me thinking: do people actually have that type of mindset? Do people actually think that, if you exude a certain level of sexuality -- if you carry yourself the same way Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox once did -- then you can never expect anyone to ever actually fall in love with you. As if whoever you are with will be too filled with lust to ever really take a moment to get to know you as a person.

To be honest, I call bullshit. Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox are both married, and were with their respective SOs during the height of their "sexy" period (Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Smith/Transformers). Being on that end of the spectrum will probably attract more people to you in general, which will obviously result in attract more "winners" who will say shit like, "You're too sexy to love." But the idea of sensuality being exclusive from love is some level of Puritan bullshit that I cannot even begin to comprehend.

We're not even talking about people who conduct themselves in a manner that says, "I'm just looking for something casual," and then are left scratching their heads, wondering why they can't find something serious. We're talking about that woman in the red dress and the big boobs and the pouty lips, who is magically "too sexy" to love. It's right up there with this attitude that a woman has to act in a super demure, chaste manner in order to "catch" a husband (and don't even get me started on "catching" a husband...) Like a woman has to be this special present, all wrapped up and unseen to the world onto Mr (or Mrs) Right comes along to unwrap it.

I call so much bullshit, you'd think I was at a cow pasture. You can be intimidated by someone's looks. You could possibly keep your distance because you think you are not at the same level of someone deemed "sexy" by our society. But that doesn't mean the woman is somehow unloveable because guys would like to have sex with her more so than the average-looking female. To me, that's a feeble excuse, given by a low-level douchebag as to why he won't commit, why he won't do A or B or C. That's a comment given by a scumbag as a way to put the onus of maintaining the relationship completely on the woman -- and on the woman's looks, no less. It's a way to put down the woman, because it's easier than admitting that he doesn't want to man up and admit certain things. Suddenly, it's not about compatibility, or personal motivations; it's about her and those pesky big boobs and cute outfits.

I could go on forever about this go-to response our society has, but I think I'll stop there. I just can't with this attitude. There is no such thing as "too sexy to love". But there is such thing as "being too weak-spirited to not be intimidated by someone attractive".

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