Last night, I had a dream that I suffered from sort of mortal wound. I did not dream about getting it, and I did not dream about what it was, but I had some wound in my torso that spelled a soon death. I was able to get some type of surgery to delay the inevitable, but I still didn't have long.
In this dream, I only had one concern: "I'm going to die soon and I didn't even finish my third manuscript yet."
I think that should give you an idea as to where my mind is right now.
I'm creeping along and a downright snail's pace through the last few chapters of my book. I maybe have 20,000 words to go, but I swear I'm going to need 20,000 days to get it done. And, apparently, it's weighing on my mind enough that I am starting to fret about dying before I finish it.
I refuse to query for my first manuscript again until I finish the third. This also gives me time to sell a few more copies of my ebook. But it's meant to force me to actually finish this, because there are few things that frustrate me more than an unfinished project.
The biggest thing is letting go of that need to have the passages be perfect. I already know there are three or four major changes I need to make -- scenes that need to be added or rewritten, characters who have to be changed around -- and instead of letting that give me the freedom to just write, I'm using it as something to drag me down.
So I guess I have no choice to, once again, force myself to write, even if it's just a little bit, every day, until the book is done. I found that I can't do a "page a day" deadline, because it limits me both ways (if I write more than one page a day, I feel like I'm accidentally overdoing myself; also, on days when I don't feel like writing, I really don't feel like writing a whole page, so I don't even try). But if I can just write something -- a sentence, a bit of dialogue, even an idea or two -- then I'll be on the right path. And if I can write more, awesome.
Because -- really -- who knows what's going to happen in the future. I could get that mortal wound in my torso. We do live in interesting times.
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