Day 281 of 365: Not Again

I mentioned a while back that I thought I had pulled a tendon in the back of my knee. It is quite possibly the most frustrating situation, because I don't feel it when I do 99% of my daily activities. But sometimes I'll land my foot weirdly when I walk or turn a corner awkwardly and I get an acute stab in the back of my leg, just to remind me that it's there.


And, oh yeah, I definitely feel it if I try to even jog.


My husband suggested that I might have a torn fascia. He also suggested that I might want to seek out a doctor who specializes in sports medicine (which actually shouldn't be that hard, given that Manch-Vegas has a good number of minor league teams).


So right now, the only exercise I'm doing is yoga and tai chi. The tai chi purely because I teach it, and there are certain moves I am doing with modifications (which is for the best, because my students sometimes see the unmodified moves and attempt to copy me, even when I tell them to do a variation). And the yoga purely because I'm an addict and because the stretching feels good and Dr. Internet said that, if the stretch feels good, stretch it out as much as you can.


I am frustrated beyond words. My half marathon is in two weeks and the idea of training myself to run it in under two hours is completely out the window now. In fact, I had to give myself a very specific timeline: if I can't run three miles without any injury by this coming Saturday, then I have to pull from the race.


All I can say is, "Not again." I had to pull from the Derry 16-Miler thanks to the limitations of weather and injury. The idea of pulling from a second race really, truly bothers me, especially since I thought I'd be much farther along in my marathon training. I wanted to have hit 20 miles before summer hit, and I've done half that.


I know it's silly to bemoan "only" running 10 miles, but I've never been one to set proper goals for me. And, usually, that works out. Be audacious enough to think she can work for an agency; get signed. Decide being a published author is worth all the headaches and frustrations; publishes an ebook through a popular magazine company. But sometimes it backfires on me. Get signed to an agency; be frustrated that she cannot land any steady work. Publish an ebook; still unsatisfied because she has two and three-quarters manuscripts that cannot get sold.


My biggest fear is that I'll have to give up on running completely, especially if it's a fascia tear and it doesn't heal properly. Which means the Chicago Marathon and the Boston Marathon will become pipe dreams. But that's getting ahead of myself. Not only to a set unnecessarily high goals, but I automatically turn to the worst possible consequence.


All I can do is focus on healing, refrain from any high-impact training, and hope for the best. And if that can't happen, at least I had the foresight to purchase the "running fee protection" plan in case I have to pull from the race (and I don't feel like eating the registration fee).