Tomorrow, I start teaching yoga at a homeless shelter.
I've been working on a proper sequence for weeks now. Something simple, something grounding, something that a beginner with not the best past in the world can do. This is not exactly an easy task.
I've also been worrying myself about being able to handle a room of homeless people. To quote a friend, "You're 5'11". You were an imposing figure even before you started putting on all the muscle. You'd honestly be shocked at how intimidating you can actually be." Granted, that doesn't mean much when you still feel a bit small within your own skin, but it's still reassuring.
There are easier jobs for a first-time yoga instructor. Far easier jobs. But then again, "easy" hasn't exactly been in my vernacular for a while now. I've always tended to jump headfirst into things; I've always tended towards multitasking and taking the hardest possible road up. I think about the multitude of things I juggled when I was getting married. I think about how quickly we settled our house so we could have a housewarming party before my husband's mandatory OT. I think about how my first day as a preschool teacher was spent with a substitute who didn't even know the schedule and 17 kids who had no idea who I was (which also gives you some insight on the type of environment that kickstarted my very-short early education career). I tend to go all in. And sometimes that doesn't work out for me. But sometimes it does.
I have to take my own advice on this one: do everything in good faith, with the best intentions, and filled with the utmost love, and everything else will fall into place. There's a reason why I felt compelled to contact that shelter director. There's a reason why I met a yoga instructor who teaches to inmates not even days after having a tour of the place. I just have to be open to the idea that this is leading me to wherever I need to go.
There's a line in a Shakira song that goes, "Conmigo, nada es facil," -- with me, nothing is easy. I used to joke that this was my life motto. Back then, I said it because I used to fall to pieces over every single obstacle in life. But, really, I don't like things being easy in my life. I like challenges. I like having that moment when things feel so overwhelming that you worry you're going to drown. That's what defines you. Those are the memories that stick with you.
So I'm going to practice my sequence by myself one last time, agonize over the right music to play, and go from there. And whether that's to the left, to the right, or straight on, is only for the future to know.