As part of my "yoga homework", I've decided to assign myself the task of basically winging an entire yoga sequence at least 2 or 3 times a week.
What happens during my winging-it session is that I put on a playlist created purely for a yoga class, come to my mat, and attempt to run an imaginary class through a sequence that I am making up on the fly. If I really like what I'm creating, I'll try to write it down and store it away for when I become a "real teacher".
It was a bitch in the beginning. I'd get through a sequence and realize that I got through 45 minutes, not an hour-15. I'd get flustered and have all my ideas bottleneck and find myself in a complete funk. But that's going to happen. So I kept at it, attempting to repeat the sequences I liked for my husband (who has been kind enough to be a guinea pig on Sunday mornings), attempting to take notes and follow them when necessary.
My own yoga instructor (and the reason why I'll drive 30 minutes there and back for an 1:15 class) told me how, in the beginning, she couldn't free-flow her, well, flows. Everything was written out on notecards. But the more comfortable she felt with her sequences -- the more comfortable she felt with herself as a yoga teacher -- the more she could go into a class with an intention and a level of activity and let the movements come as they will.
And while I'm sure this ~intuitive ease~ that I'm starting to get at home would be out the fucking door if I ever shifted to the front of a class, it feels good to have this come just a little more naturally. It's not just an intellectual shift, learning what poses should be paired with what and which poses can be built up from the previous movements, but an emotional one. Just becoming more confident with myself and who I am and what I am capable of. I know the only times I trip up in my tai chi classes are the times I let my brain get ahead of me and I question what I'm doing. But the days I go in there with the (sorry, Cesar Millan) calm, assertive energy are the days that my classes run the most smoothly and I genuinely get the sense that my students have really learned something important.
It's such a good energy. And I don't care how hippy-dippy that makes me sound. I love the feeling I get after a successful wing-it practice. Much like I love the feeling I get when I construct a good 1:15 playlist. I do certain sequences -- I listen to certain playlists -- and I can already imagine a gentle Sunday morning class, or a Wednesday evening kick-your-butt practice.
I'm excited for this. The more I train, the more I feel ready. And it feels good. And I don't care how granola that makes me look and sound.
(And since I mentioned hitting a milestone on my crafts blog, I figure I should mention a milestone I hit a week or so back on this blog: the 365 blog has finally hit 5,000 views. Not bad for a blog I started on whim and never actually promoted.)