It's getting more and more difficult to get things done. I find myself dragging ass to do anything that isn't outright required of me by outside influences (like classes or go-sees). I find myself calling it a day long before the dinner bell. Part of me assumed it was because I was running at maximum speed with NaNoWriMo, but, as Day Three of murky, cloudy weather settles in, I realize that it's way more than writing a ton.
I truly believe that the seasons affect our behavior. It's why New Englanders are so rough and brazen, but southern Californians are so laid back. It's why we feel super productive in the spring and just want to snuggle in the fall. It's why most of us love sunny weather and feel morose when it rains.
My trepidation for winter was only intensified as a preschool teacher. Winter (and bad weather) meant no playground time, which meant an entire day filled with high-energy kids who seriously just needed to run around for a bit. It meant naptimes that weren't really naptimes (all the while, administration saying things like, "Well you can obviously can get that done during naptime."). It meant watching the skies go black before the kids even got picked up.
Now that I'm out of the early education world (and my teaching schedule is a lot more scattered), I assumed that this feeling would go away. But it's still there. I'm not stressed and anxious, but the desire to just stay in my PJs and screw writing, screw practicing, screw contacting studios for potential employment, is strong. And days like today, where the fog is still settled even at 9:30 in the morning and I haven't seen the sun in almost a week, just depletes my energy even further. It's dark at 4:00 and, if I'm not careful, I mentally check out on the day at 4 as well.
For some, that's okay. Just watch a lot of TV, go on a ton of websites, and enjoy a slow-paced life. But I'm not like that. I'm the type of person who can't sit and watch more than a show or two at a time. I like doing stuff. And that part of me isn't completely quelled by the weather. In fact, that part of me is losing her damn mind because the rest of me is in slow motion.
But, referencing a super-old post, sometimes you just have to kick yourself in the butt, say, "it's not a choice," and continue on. Time to clear out a sink of dishes, get a good yoga practice in, and log some running miles.